Expectations

It is 2:30am now....and my emotions are flying...I feel so many things right now....guilt mainly being one of them...

I was thinking about expectations...and how we tend to place them on each other. Or we try to live up to someone else's expectations. Well I failed my own tonight, I didn't live up to mine. I don't know whats going on with me right now. I feel like I just want to give up on everything, give up on my boyfriend, give up on my testimony, give up on my school...honestly I could go out and party and club right now...

See, thats expecations on ourselves does to ourselves. We can't out expectations on others, we can't live up to expectatoins either because they put them there. I put expectations there for the wrong reason. Now I change my reasoning, my expectations are there to marry a godyly man who passionately loves the Lord and serves Him with all his heart.

And just because someone else doesn't meet expectations, that gives me no right at all to lower mine and fail at mine. Thats what I tend to do, "well you failed so let me fail as well so you don't feel as bad"....well, right now I feel terrible....I feel like I can't trust you because I can't trust myself...

Expectations are sounding more like a curse right now aren't they? Well, expectations can be if used the wrong way....could we use them the right way? Could we make it a fun challenge to better our lives and not look at it as something wrong that we're doing, but something we can learn to grow in...

I am so weak...I am so unworthy...I feel so guilty...i keep thinking..."how could you do this? I thought about that they entire time....but how could I be doing this?"

"Lord, I am so weak, strengthen me....take away these demons in my life now..."