Christmas Eve Alone 2012

After a very difficult year I had decided to go to Thailand to experience healing in a much deeper level....I have, but tonight is Christmas Eve and I am completely alone. I am surrounded all day by temperamental coworkers and bickering gossiping neighbors....

My husband left me this last year and chose his computer life over trying to repair what he had destroyed..

Even despite my crazy life...I have so much peace about the future. I know I am doing what God wants me to do and I am thankful for that...

My comfort tonight?

Proverbs 24

I have peace tonight and I am thankful for the healing that God is doing in my life this Christmas season and in this last year. No matter what we go through...there will always be challenges. Honestly, if you aren't being challenged in some form or another your probably not worth the time to fight against...

So here is Proverbs 24...my comfort and challenge tonight....

Saying 20

1 Do not envy the wicked,
    do not desire their company;
² for their hearts plot violence,
    and their lips talk about making trouble.

Saying 21

³ By wisdom a house is built,
    and through understanding it is established;
⁴ through knowledge its rooms are filled
    with rare and beautiful treasures.

Saying 22

⁵ The wise prevail through great power,
    and those who have knowledge muster their strength.
⁶ Surely you need guidance to wage war,
    and victory is won through many advisers.

Saying 23

⁷ Wisdom is too high for fools;
    in the assembly at the gate they must not open their mouths.

Saying 24

⁸ Whoever plots evil
    will be known as a schemer.
⁹ The schemes of folly are sin,
    and people detest a mocker.

Saying 25

¹⁰ If you falter in a time of trouble,
    how small is your strength!
¹¹ Rescue those being led away to death;
    hold back those staggering toward slaughter.
¹² If you say, “But we knew nothing about this,”
    does not he who weighs the heart perceive it?
Does not he who guards your life know it?
    Will he not repay everyone according to what they have done?

Saying 26

¹³ Eat honey, my son, for it is good;
    honey from the comb is sweet to your taste.
¹⁴ Know also that wisdom is like honey for you:
    If you find it, there is a future hope for you,
    and your hope will not be cut off.

Saying 27

¹⁵ Do not lurk like a thief near the house of the righteous,
    do not plunder their dwelling place;
¹⁶ for though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again,
    but the wicked stumble when calamity strikes.

Saying 28

¹⁷ Do not gloat when your enemy falls;
    when they stumble, do not let your heart rejoice,
¹⁸ or the Lord will see and disapprove
    and turn his wrath away from them.

Saying 29

¹⁹ Do not fret because of evildoers
    or be envious of the wicked,
²⁰ for the evildoer has no future hope,
    and the lamp of the wicked will be snuffed out.

Saying 30

²¹ Fear the Lord and the king, my son,
    and do not join with rebellious officials,
²² for those two will send sudden destruction on them,
    and who knows what calamities they can bring?

Further Sayings of the Wise

²³ These also are sayings of the wise:

To show partiality in judging is not good:
²⁴ Whoever says to the guilty, “You are innocent,”
    will be cursed by peoples and denounced by nations.
²⁵ But it will go well with those who convict the guilty,
    and rich blessing will come on them.

²⁶ An honest answer
    is like a kiss on the lips.

²⁷ Put your outdoor work in order
    and get your fields ready;
    after that, build your house.

²⁸ Do not testify against your neighbor without cause—
    would you use your lips to mislead?
²⁹ Do not say, “I’ll do to them as they have done to me;
    I’ll pay them back for what they did.”

³⁰ I went past the field of a sluggard,
    past the vineyard of someone who has no sense;
³¹ thorns had come up everywhere,
    the ground was covered with weeds,
    and the stone wall was in ruins.
³² I applied my heart to what I observed
    and learned a lesson from what I saw:
³³ A little sleep, a little slumber,
    a little folding of the hands to rest—
³⁴ and poverty will come on you like a thief
    and scarcity like an armed man.

Proverbs 24

Hello from Jinji South Korea!!

Hello Friends and Family!

So this is the best way for me to keep up with everyone! I found out that my notes that I have posted on facebook just suddenly disappeared so I don't trust facebook anymore! I have had this blog for many years and there are many stories here. A lot of it is personal, but I don't mind anyone reading it. It tells my story and I'm not ashamed to share it. My last post from here was in 2008, so quite a long time. I will try to post on facebook sometimes, but if you want the day to day stuff here is where you go!

So right now I feel hurt again, its funny how each time my heart breaks substantionally I run to this blog. I don't have my journal with me so I'm writing on here. I'm so mad at him, he is so lazy, refusing with everything hes got to not have his devotions, such a child. I took the remote and turned the tv off and closed the door. But he still lays there doing nothing, absolutly nothing. Just staring off in space as I write this. Refusing to talk. I wrote in that marriage book what happened last night. And I talked to him about it last night, and all he did was turn over and start sleeping. He apologized this morning and asked if I forgave him, and then continued on acting like a jerk towards to me. Now he is just staring off into space, refusing to talk to me. I talked to God for two hours yesterday while he watched tv with his family. He is killing me and I can't take it anymore. I threw the ring at him, I hate him right now, he has hurt me so much... I know God told me that my yes needs to be yes but its so hard because he doesn't care.....I can't take it anymore... Its easier to be just me and God, much less painful...

Running, Far, Far, Away

Why am I still so angry?
Why am I still so bitter?
Why am I still so hurt?

I'm running away
Far, far away
I'm running away
Far, far away
Why am I so afraid?
Why am I still so ashamed?
Why do I still cry tears of pain?
I'm running away
Far, far away

To the deepest oceans where my tears blend into the waves
To the darkest jungles where my cries are muffled by the trees
To the hottest desserts where my pain will one day melt from my soul

I'm running away
Far, far away
I'm running away
Far, far away

Why am I fearful of what the Lord has to say?
Will what He answers hurt me more?
Why do I wish failure for another person rather than victory?
Will I feel unworthy if he finely becomes what I so desired?

I'm running away
Far, far away
But Jesus runs after me
No matter how far away I run

He runs after me
Before me
Ahead of me
He climbs the mountains with me
He swims the turbulent waters with me
He runs through the valleys along my side
When I run, He runs
When I sink, He lifts me up
When I fall, He raises me
When I cry, He holds me
When I scream, He understands
When I hurt, He comforts
He is there
He is there

He longs for me, when others have left me
He is strong for me, when others were weak
He pursues me, when no one else is pursuing
He holds me, when I am alone
He draws to my side, even though I have pushed Him away
He is there
He is here

I love the way He loves me
I love how He chases after me
I love the peace that He gives
The joy that He places in my heart
I love the grace He has given me
And the mercy He shows

So why do I still run away?
Why do I neglect Him so much?

I'm running away
Far, far away
I'm running away
Far, far away

I shouldn't be running
Instead, I must seek Him
My footsteps stop hurrying
There is no place to go
That will take me away from this pain
I must face it, I must stop running

My footsteps slow down
My heartbeat settles
I stop where I am

No amount of writing I do
Singing of songs
Playing of guitar
Traveling around the world
Will ever keep me from the pain I feel in my heart
But now I can face the pain inflictor
And my God will comfort my hurting soul

I look into the distance
Taking in the vast opportunity that is before me
I now look behind me
And Smile
I look ahead of me
And Smile
My foot steps out
And my pace for the future is steady and calm, and confident

I will dance
I will sing
I will play
I will write
I will travel
I will speak
All for the Lord
And not for the pain
All for my Jesus
And not for the pain inflictor
All for my God
And not for a selfish man

Praise the Lord!
Praise the Lord!
I am free!
I am free!
The chains have left me!
The burden released from me!!

- Written 9-25-06, a huge turning point in my life

Unsure...

Sometimes I feel so unsure....

About the people around me...
About my future...
Sometimes I feel lonely
Though I'm around people all the time
I feel as if something is missing
But its hard to explain...

I feel unsure
I feel uncomfortable
I tend to worry...

But I know that the Lord says
"Wait"
"Wait and see"
"Trust in me"

And everything will turn out right....

Lessons being Learned...

I know I have not been posting lately, but God has been showing me so many new and exciting things these last few weeks. I feel like I have grown so much because trials have been coming into my life. How can we grow if there is no pain? How can we learn if we don't fail? Man, this week has been tough but truly amazing. I will write more later on about this, but now I know that I need to just keep my eyes on what is ahead and where the Lord wants me to go. Its so easy to get bogged down with things to do, places to go, people to hang out with. I find that when I look towards myself I become discontent, I want more, and I don't want to wait on the Lord at all. But I know that I must, He says wait because I have much to do in very little time, He wants me to focus with little distractions. ANd trust in Him to bring along those things that I desire when its right in His timeing....Praise be to God for He is worthy to be praised, through the think and the thin!

Busy Times

So wow, things are going crazy busy now but I couldn't be happier doing what I'm doing now. The internship is going great and even work at goodys is going well. I can't wait to move into my own apartment though and really get life going this coming school year. I'm ready to meet new people and have some great girl time! So I'm counting down the days until moving back to Va. THe Lord is so good and is growing me so much this summer through my leadership here at Brices and also in my friendships. Praise God for fellowship! I just wish I had more time to write, but I know that that time will come. For now, I am off to have my devos and head off to Jay's house for the cookout!