discouraging

I am so ready to go back home!! It gets so dry here and fake! Its difficult when you challenge a so-called christian with simply a Bible verse and all they can do is call you self-righteous and a show off. I'm really sorry that I tried to challenge you, I saw it coming though I really did. I didn't feel right not sharing a verse that I just happened to read right after reading what I did. I felt that God wanted me to post that and I did, and if I am being discussed about because of it thats fine. THere is no other name than I would proudly carry than a Jesus Freak! I hear about all these different things being said and frankly it doesn't bother me that much 1. because i'm used to it, someone once said that about me before and 2. My reliance is upon God, or at least I try my best to make it that way. I will continue to write about God and all that He has done in my life. I will make myself vunerable for His glory and His kingdom. He is the One that i serve and I will serve Him despite those who try to divert me!

"Dear Lord, guide me, calm my spirit and make my passion only for You and not to turn into anger. Those who are not close to You draw them near to Your loving soul. For those who think they have it all together humble them to Your being, for those who are completly lost let them seek until they finally find You. And Lord for those who suffer for Your name give them peace...I love you Lord..."

observation

I am writing this on behalf of of many comments I have been reading and xanga posts and I am greatly disturbed by what I read. I feel the sense of pride and opinion-only remarks and entries, which I guess is the reason why many people use these things. I am greatly disappointed in quite a few people right now, no one I am really close too, but just seeing the true character of a few. It saddens me as the school year is coming to a close how so many students here are still caught up in the popular mentality. I just want to get up in there face sometime and be like "get a life! A one that is worth living for! Live for God and Him alone!" Yet I know that is not the right way to go around with something. I am only writing this on here because this is like my safe haven, where people don't really bother to read because nobody else really does see it. Only for those eyes that really care what I have to say about something. With this blog i never get a comment and I like it that way, I don't want to know who reads this, I just want somebody to get something out of it. I find Xanga for fun, this for seriousness.
But yes, anyway, i am troubled by what I have read, such harshness and pride, and so many little followers behind. Yet I guess thats the way it is, and I will do no such thing to discourage it. Yet if it happens again i think i might just make a very extra special xanga post to refute and give someone a piece of humble pie.

The things that trouble me:
1. Opinion-only based judgement
2. Butt-kissing comments
3. People followers instead of God followers
4. Discrimination against those who truly love God
5. Popularity mentality amongst college students

*break*

I am posting this now not because it was part of the India trip but in explanation why i haven't written in such a long time. I have come to realize a lot of things these days as the school year is drawing closer to an end. I have found that my focus on the Lord has not been where it needs to be. I have been distracted by way too many things in life recently. I must remember my main goal and I must work towards my dreams. So many times people just settle for less but I know that God has something planned for me and that He wants to use me. Recently in the last month I feel like I have not allowed God to use me the way that He wants too and to the extent that He wants to. So I now know some of the things that I need to do, cut off anything that could be hindering me from abiding in Him and drawing closer to Him. Everything that I do I want to be for Him and no one else, including myself. I have been challenged greatly by pastors and the Word and now I must act upon it and not allow myself to become distracted by the people around me....


"Lord I want to be all for You and You alone, no One can take Your place and I want to serve You by serving others.....and not myself....give me strength dear Lord...."

Third day......first half....

3-12-05 12am

Things are going well.... I will write later. (I think people started talking to me.)

6am

We're now settled into our rooms, each team has slit up and we're going to rest for a few hours. To my surprise I'm in the 10 people team and we're going to South India and will be trying to help the most- affected land regions. I didn't think i was going to be on this team because I wasn't a guy. The good thing here is that everybody who kinda formed a clique has been removed from their group. I like the people who are in my group now.
This is such a different and amazing place...Everything is different here, I'm trying to soak everything up. We drove about an hour to our hotel and the driving is crazy! The people honk loudly each time they pass somebody so everybody is honking. There are so many beggers and children in tattered clothing all over the streets. They stare at you so long and hard that you have to turn your eyes. The eyes of the India children are so large and glassy, I've always seen them on tv but never up close. Also today, there was a young girl, about 2 or 3 dressed in what looked like a wedding dress, a small one, sprolled out on her stomach by an airport. Her father stood by. Our guide informed us that the believers here in India said that when the Bible said that Satan fell out of heaven he landed in India. He told us that tomorrow we will see what he meant. Yet, he added, he always noticed a certain joy that these people have. I wonder what joy they must have?
Now that I'm here in this country and I have so much to observe, I have little time to care about the others around me and what they say and do. I had a nice conversation with Hannah in the car ride and Jess seems to quiet. I pray now that God will break all of our hearts so that we can be used by Christ.
Another thing I forgot to add about this trip is that the India people worship cows, and the cows are free to roam the cities, and if a car hits one of the cows, they could be tracked down and killed for such an act. There are three major religions, Muslim, Hinu, and shinti i believe. I can't remember what each one represents though but each is greeted in different ways.


What I have learned: Keep your focus on people who don't affect you in any way. That is keeping yourself self-less. My mind and thoughts are on the people of India....

I Thess. 3:13 - I want to live holy and blameless, completely out of darkness. Every realm of self I want to be out of. Take me away from all that is selfish within me.

3-12-05 7:30am

Wow, this is really embarressing. I guess everyone is dressing really normal. I feel like a total idiot. Its ok though, I'm dressing like the people from here anyway. I will be working a lot though, i should have brought some more work shirts.

" Lord help me because I am becoming frustrated..."




There is a lot more that i wrote this day! Yet this is enough i think for now! It amazes me how much i remember seeing but with no words can i express what I felt. I think i was sort of in deniel when i first wrote it, and in great un-understanding if I can use that word. There were so many distractions that I had already in the first beginning of the trip, and thats why I say that I learned more after the trip because I was able to have the time to reflect on all that I saw and the little I was able to experience.....

Second day of the trip....

3-11-05

"Are you open to change? People who make a difference can be stretched, pulled, pushed, and changed. You heard it from me; Traditionalism is an old dragon, bad about squeezing the very life out of its victims. So never stop fighting it."
Charles Swindell


We were still flying when I wrote this, or at least on the plane. I slept most of the trip up there but I guess I woke up to write this in my journal. I took along with me Charles Swindells book "dear graduate: letters of wisdom" It has nice little encourageing and convicting quotes inside of it. This reminding me of BJU, there are two of my friends who i believe who are fighting it but many others on that campus who struggle with it. I really wish the two school could get along with each other. Well, I guess I really don't have much to say about this day, just that I didn't know a lot of people so itstead of socializing I was sleeping instead!