Running, Far, Far, Away

Why am I still so angry?
Why am I still so bitter?
Why am I still so hurt?

I'm running away
Far, far away
I'm running away
Far, far away
Why am I so afraid?
Why am I still so ashamed?
Why do I still cry tears of pain?
I'm running away
Far, far away

To the deepest oceans where my tears blend into the waves
To the darkest jungles where my cries are muffled by the trees
To the hottest desserts where my pain will one day melt from my soul

I'm running away
Far, far away
I'm running away
Far, far away

Why am I fearful of what the Lord has to say?
Will what He answers hurt me more?
Why do I wish failure for another person rather than victory?
Will I feel unworthy if he finely becomes what I so desired?

I'm running away
Far, far away
But Jesus runs after me
No matter how far away I run

He runs after me
Before me
Ahead of me
He climbs the mountains with me
He swims the turbulent waters with me
He runs through the valleys along my side
When I run, He runs
When I sink, He lifts me up
When I fall, He raises me
When I cry, He holds me
When I scream, He understands
When I hurt, He comforts
He is there
He is there

He longs for me, when others have left me
He is strong for me, when others were weak
He pursues me, when no one else is pursuing
He holds me, when I am alone
He draws to my side, even though I have pushed Him away
He is there
He is here

I love the way He loves me
I love how He chases after me
I love the peace that He gives
The joy that He places in my heart
I love the grace He has given me
And the mercy He shows

So why do I still run away?
Why do I neglect Him so much?

I'm running away
Far, far away
I'm running away
Far, far away

I shouldn't be running
Instead, I must seek Him
My footsteps stop hurrying
There is no place to go
That will take me away from this pain
I must face it, I must stop running

My footsteps slow down
My heartbeat settles
I stop where I am

No amount of writing I do
Singing of songs
Playing of guitar
Traveling around the world
Will ever keep me from the pain I feel in my heart
But now I can face the pain inflictor
And my God will comfort my hurting soul

I look into the distance
Taking in the vast opportunity that is before me
I now look behind me
And Smile
I look ahead of me
And Smile
My foot steps out
And my pace for the future is steady and calm, and confident

I will dance
I will sing
I will play
I will write
I will travel
I will speak
All for the Lord
And not for the pain
All for my Jesus
And not for the pain inflictor
All for my God
And not for a selfish man

Praise the Lord!
Praise the Lord!
I am free!
I am free!
The chains have left me!
The burden released from me!!

- Written 9-25-06, a huge turning point in my life